just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
