Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
