remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
