I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
