you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
