he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
only you would photoshop your dick
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
