I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
