What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
