He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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