I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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