It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
