dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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