I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We are all done wearing pants today
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
