Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
