I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
