worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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