Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize