my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
