He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
