Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
