she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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