I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
