you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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