HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
