There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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