I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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