i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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