Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
