i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
