college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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