YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
