He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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