And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
