The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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