This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I need a burrito and a hug.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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