We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
