I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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