I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
