he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
