dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
