Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
