He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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