can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
