The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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