How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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