How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
cat food counts as protein by the way
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
