I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
