I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
