true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
