My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
