i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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