On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We are all done wearing pants today
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
