I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
