Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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