Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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