I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
