I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize