This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
