im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
