If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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