Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
