I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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