So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
