we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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