I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize