do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
