God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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