it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I can't turn off my feet"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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