Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
