Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
