from now on my penis is your penis
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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