After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize