addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize