do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
