Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
