Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she smelled like a LAN party
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
