I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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