By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Someone shit on the floor
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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